Ephesians 5:25-33

²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her ²⁶to make her holy, cleansing [or having cleansed] her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- ³⁰for we are members of His body. ³¹"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" [Genesis 2:24]. ³²This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Paul has told wives to submit to their husbands, not all men, not other husbands, not their sons, but their own husbands. But the husband’s authority over the wife is not for tyrannical dictator-style government; rather, it is for loving and self-sacrificial service. Now the remainder of this chapter, with the exception of the last part of v33, which serves as a summary bookend, speaks to the husband’s responsibility to his wife. And reading this potion of the text after the previous portion softens the command to the wife significantly. For no woman would want to submit to someone who doesn’t love the Lord, who fights against Christ daily and shows that disdain for the Lord through persistent attitude and behavior issues in the home. But a woman ought to be excited to submit to a man after God’s own heart, a man who wants nothing less than to please the Lord through the humble service – even unto death – and building up of his spouse.

Thus, in v25, Paul tells the husband to love his wife. Ligon Duncan says, “God calls Christian husbands, all Christian husbands, to a radical, God-originated, gospel-based, grace-empowered, Christ-emulating, self-denying love for our wives; a love in which we are to serve our wives and to care for our wives’ best spiritual and temporal interests.” Love is not a when-you-feel-it-do-it sort of thing; love is a lifelong commitment to lead. Paul then adds that a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church, to give himself up for her good; and that’s a challenge that few men, if any, have ever lived up to. It’s something we cannot do apart from God’s grace, and it’s something that we should only hope to make progress in as our lives with our spouses continue until death. We need to think of how Christ loved the Church and love our wives that way; we need to make His atoning sacrifice for the Church the foundation for loving our wives; we need to focus on His purpose in loving the Church – sanctification (an inward reality with outward signs) – and make that our purpose for loving our wives; and we need to consider the glory that becomes of the Church through the work of Christ and strive to present our wives holy before God as Christ does the Church. But what does it look like to exhibit the love of Christ for His Church to our wives? Perhaps we can consider seven adjectives: unmerited, intense, unending, unselfish, purposeful, manifested, and sacrificial.

First, Christ’s love for His Church is unmerited, and a husband’s love for his wife should be as well. Romans 5:8 says, “God demonstrates His love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Our wives may not always feel or show love to us, but that’s no excuse for us not to show them love. We may not feel love for our wives at times, but we love her with a committed love that comes not from us but from God. Even when she doesn’t fulfill her part of the marriage covenant, “husbands love your wives.” Second, Christ’s love for His Church is intense. In Luke 22:15, Jesus says that He coveted eating the Passover with His disciples. We ought to covet a relationship with our wives that is intensely intimate and special. Third, Christ’s love for His Church is unending. John 13:1 reveals that Jesus loved us to the end. And we promised in our wedding vows to love our wives “until death do us part.” We don’t take a break along the way. Fourth, Christ’s love for His Church is unselfish. In Philippians 2:6-7, we see that Christ did not consider equality with God something to be grasped but made Himself nothing, emptied Himself by taking on human flesh, and submitted Himself to slavery unto death – all out of love for us. Humility ought to be a revelation of our love for our wives, through our providing first and foremost for her needs. Fifth, Christ’s love for His Church is purposeful. In v26-27 we see what that purpose is – to cleanse us and make us holy. Jude 24 speaks of Christ as able to keep us from falling and to present us before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy. Are you striving in your marriage to purify your wife for the Lord? Sixth, Christ’s love for His Church is manifested. In John 13-16, we have Jesus’ upper room discourse, in which He shows His disciples the full extent of His love for them in a number of ways. Do we show our wives our love for them? They like to see our love in our speech and communication efforts. Do we use words to convey our love for them? How can we do that progressively better? We show our love for them by protecting them and making sure they feel safe and secure. Seventh, Christ’s love for His Church is sacrificial. In John 15:13, Jesus says, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” Husbands are called to lay down their lives for the benefit of their wives, out of unmerited and amazing love for them and for Christ. Lord, make us love our wives like Christ loved the Church, for we cannot desire it out of our sinful nature, nor do it out of our own power.

Paul’s focus in v26-27 is to show that husbands are called to adapt their lives to their wives’ needs, to provide for their spiritual growth and health. Since Christ’s love for the Church is the first foundation and highest motive for a husband’s love for his wife, husbands are to cleanse and make holy their wives, just as Christ cleanses and makes holy His Church. It is a lifelong, progressive transformation. Fathers walk their daughters down the aisle and present them to their fiancés to begin the wedding ceremony. Consider that husbands, by the way they love their wives, walk their wives down the aisle and present them to Jesus Christ. Will He say, “A pure and spotless bride! Well done good and faithful servant!”?

Paul reveals a second foundation, an additional motive for a husband’s love for his wife in v28-29. Husband are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and also as they love their own bodies; Paul knows that men are selfish by nature and take care of themselves by instinct. He’s basically saying that to take care of your wife is to take care of yourself, because husband and wife are one flesh. But it’s not that weak an argument; the argument Paul gives here is radical, pointing to the profound mystery of the union of Christ with His body. The statement reminds us of Adam and Eve, with Eve actually being made from Adam’s rib. The marriage union actually makes husbands and wives one flesh. Ligon Duncan says, “Paul is saying as mysterious a thing as it is that God can say that in marriage a man and a woman become one flesh, it is an even deeper mystery that when you are saved by grace that you are united to Christ. And your marriage…is a prime witness, Christian, to the reality of your union with Christ.” V28-32 teach us that Christ has not only bonded husbands to wives in the way that a person is united with their own body (intimately and permanently), but He has also bonded Himself to believers in this way. Consider when Christ appeared to Saul of Tarsus on the Damascus road and asked, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?” Saul was persecuting Christians, not Jesus Himself, right? Wrong.

In the end, marriage is the most important and most difficult place to live out the vertical Christian life (the relationship between man and God, as opposed to the horizontal life between man and woman). There’s no better place to learn grace and humility in service out of love than in marriage. V33 sums up Ephesians 5:22-32 as simply as possible: Husbands must love their wives, and wives must respect their husbands. Ligon Duncan explains, “Consequently, in light of this great mystery of union with Christ, which is witnessed to especially in a Christian marriage, since we share in that union, every Christian husband, every Christian wife, is a part of the body of Christ. Since we share in that union, and since we are to image that union, every Christian husband and Christian wife is to be a living, breathing, walking, talking witness to that union which Christ has with the church. Therefore, Christian husbands must love their wives, and Christian wives must respect their husbands.”

Ephesians 5:22-24

²²Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

If you look at v22 and then v33, you see that Paul places this command for wives to submit to / respect their husbands as bookends over this section of Scripture. Paul doesn’t come to this command for wives to submit to their husbands lightly, but he wants to ensure that we see its practical importance. He works hard to show that maintaining proper relationship roles for mutual benefit is the broader scope here. Just as reverence for Christ serves as our motive to submission in general, now in v22-33, Paul reveals that Jesus’ love for the Church is to define the Christian’s love for one another, especially that of a husband and wife. The word “submit” means simply to receive a spouse’s loving care and service. This definition helps us see how the Church submits to Christ; otherwise, this submission might seem unnatural, since Jesus’ disciples were His friends. In v23, we see that Christ’s specific role as Savior models the husband’s responsibility to his wife. He indwells the Church, governing both her and the universe, and He serves as the source of the body’s health and growth to maturity (Ephesians 4:14-16). The Christian wife has been set free to serve Christ by submitting to her husband. And Paul is simply saying that there is no possibility of a Christian woman manifesting her true embrace of the lordship of Christ without showing respect for her husband in the context of the home.

So the submission command means that Christian wives are to give appropriate respect to their husbands. They’re to acknowledge and follow and encourage and respect their husband’s efforts at spiritual leadership in the home; genders are complementary in the Christian worldview. A husband’s leadership is not automatic but should be an initiative to which the wife should respond (1 Corinthians 11:8-9; 1 Timothy 2:13-14). Christ restores to the marriage relationship what was lost from creation’s order in the fall (intimate union). Furthermore, both husband and wife acknowledge that God has established a divine order in the Christian home, and that order is for the good both husband and wife. The wife must not resist or resent that divinely established order, but she must acknowledge and embrace it. God has given husbands a unique spiritual responsibility for which they are accountable to God and with which they must exercise spiritual leadership for the well being of their wives and families in the home. Wives, through submission and respect, need to help husbands fulfill that responsibility; and they need to make a commitment to sacrificial, self-giving, long-suffering loyalty to their husband, keeping in mind that he is a sinner.

John Piper and Wayne Grudem say this: “Submission refers to a wife’s divine calling to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership, and help carry it through according to her gifts. It is not an absolute surrender of her will; rather, we speak of her disposition to yield to her husband’s guidance and her inclination to follow his leadership. Christ is her absolute authority, not the husband. She submits out of reverence for Christ, as Paul said in Ephesians 5:21. The supreme authority of Christ qualifies the authority of her husband. For instance, she should never follow her husband into sin; nevertheless, even when she may have to stand with Christ against the sinful will of her husband, she can still have a spirit of submission, a disposition to yield. She can show by her attitude and behavior that she does not like resisting his will, and that she longs for him to forsake sin and lead in righteousness so that her disposition to honor him can again produce harmony in the marriage.”

So the wife – see Proverbs 31 – should focus on making the home a safe and cozy place for her family for the glory of God. She ought to strive for trustworthiness and dependability. She must work hard to keep a good attitude, cultivate inner beauty, and discuss things in an open, honest, and loving way. The wife should be content, satisfied with her position, with her possessions, with her task, and with what her husband provides. She ought to be patient, forbearing, forgiving, and grateful in all things. And she ought to be industrious for the sake of her husband and household, building loyalty for her husband in her children. The submissive wife offers suggestions and advice and counsel, and even correction to her husband, but she does it in a loving and obedient way that shows respect.

Before moving on, we need to mention, in this world of political correctness, some things that the concept of Biblical submission does not include. First, submission does not mean that the husband takes the place of Christ. Christ has ultimate authority, but the husband is subject to other authorities. Second, submission does not mean that wives must give up their opinions and independent thoughts. Third, submission does not mean that wives must do whatever their husbands demand no questions asked. Submission does not mean, fourthly, that wives should not try to influence their husbands and make suggestions for the direction of the family. Fifth, the idea of submission does not mean that women are somehow intellectually inferior to men. Sixth, submission does not include cowering in fear of the husband’s response to a thought, word, or deed. And all of these examples of what submission is not reveal that the husband is to be someone who loves and cares for his wife, as the next section begins.

Ephesians 5:21

²¹Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Remember v21, which we looked at last time, serves as a transitional verse. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” concludes Paul’s comments on the effects of being filled with the Spirit (v19-21) and opens his letter to the topic of submission in the various relationships people encounter in life (v22-6:9). The Spirit-filled life is about serving, not being served. And the result is mutual edification. It is more blessed to give than to receive. A consequence of being filled with the Spirit is servanthood, and our motive for obeying this command is fear of or reverence for Christ. No one humbled himself or served like Him, yet we ought to strive for that lifestyle (Philippians 2:4-11). Take note that the word “submit” means simply to receive loving care and service from another.

Calvin remarked: “God has bound us so strongly to each other, that no man ought to endeavor to avoid subjection; and where love reigns, mutual services will be rendered. I do not except even kings and governors, whose very authority is held for the service of the community. It is highly proper that all should be exhorted to be subject to each other in their turn…[and out of reverence for Christ], that we may not refuse the yoke, and can humble our pride, that we may not be ashamed of serving our neighbors.” And even the standard teaching of ethics at the time, as far back as Aristotle, taught male headship, but not for the sake of selfless service and nurturing care. Christian living is counter-cultural, upholding the value of women, children, and slaves, as well as men.

I find it interesting that this crucial lifestyle application of the Christian faith – mutual service – can only be obeyed in the context of “worldly” relationships. So much for the hermit, monk, nun, and even spiritual person who denounces churchgoing, removing themselves from society or from the local congregation for the sake of “individualism” or focused holy living. Ligon Duncan says, “Though God wants us to be holy individually, it is impossible for us to express the holiness that God wants us to have individualistically. It must be expressed in the context of relationships. It must be expressed in the context of the communion of the saints. It must be expressed in the context of the body, the corpus, and so it is corporate.”

Submission is radical, because it takes the focus of self and puts in on others. But at the same time, we must be discerning about selfless service, because if we get all gung-ho about sacrificial selflessness and serving the community or the world, we might forsake our families or our jobs or even, strangely enough, ourselves. As we’ll read in this section, “he who loves his wife loves himself” and “no one ever hated his own body.” So we have to balance radical submission with time management. Ligon Duncan helps here: “Mutual subjection requires that you do some thinking about what God’s gifting is to you, and what your present obligations are. You’ve got to prayerfully approach how best you can serve others, but it’s not about other people getting to run your life. It means, in fact, that there are some times that we have to say no.”

Ephesians 5:18-21

¹⁸Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. ¹⁹Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, ²⁰always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. ²¹Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Paul gives one final motivation for right living here: the indwelling and overflowing Holy Spirit. Once again, says Ligon Duncan, “Paul’s argument is very clear. You’re filled with the Holy Spirit, Christian; every one of you is filled with the Holy Spirit. You ought to seek to go on being filled by the Holy Spirit, and if you are being filled by the Holy Spirit, you’re going to want to pursue holiness. You’re going to be on a quest for godliness. And so the Apostle Paul points us today to the Holy Spirit as the ultimate incentive, and indeed, dynamic, of living the Christian life.”

Paul begins this final motivation to right living with a negative command. Don’t get drunk. And certainly don’t let your life be characterized by drunkenness. V18 prohibits drunkenness, but Paul may have more in mind here. The cult of Dionysus (Bacchus), the god of wine, practiced orgiastic worship, in which prophecy and frenzied dancing brought on by drunkenness was attributed to the deity indwelling his worshipers. Paul considered this to be “debauchery,” which is translated many ways, and it intends the suggestion that you are mastered by something negative. Now some might say that getting drunk helps them relax. Here are six things that getting drunk really does: (1) it helps you fit in with the world (something Paul says not to do); (2) it helps you cope with insecurity (our security is found in Christ); (3) it can be a potentially dangerous habit (alcohol is a depressant); (4) it sets a bad example (others who might not be inclined to drunkenness follow the drunkard’s lead, because they respect that person so much when sober); (5) it breaks the will, causing a yielding to peer pressure (as opposed to building up to strengthen the will to avoid peer pressure); (6) it oftentimes violates of the law (and Christians ought to obey the civil government).

On one hand, drunkenness makes immodesty and shame practically unavoidable; on the other hand, being filled, which alludes to deep drinking (Romans 14:17), with the Spirit, Paul’s positive command, yields, according to Erasmus, “A pleasant kind of drunkenness, which stimulates you, not to wanton dances or foolish songs, by which the Gentiles render homage to their deities, but to psalms, to hymns, to spiritual songs, by which you rejoice, and sing, and offer praise to the Lord, not with indecent roaring, as is the custom of drunk people, but inwardly in your minds and hearts.” Drinking of the Holy Spirit, being indwelled by the Spirit, is nothing less than the peace of Christ and the word of Christ governing the heart (Colossians 3:15-16; John 14:16,26; 16:12-15; 17:17). And though a person can consume too much alcohol, a person can never overindulge in the Holy Spirit.

Being filled with the Holy Spirit is not a one-time occurrence; it is a constant replenishing and soaking in like a sponge that will never reach saturation, because, as Bob Russell quipped, “We’re leaky vessels.” In Ephesians 3:14-19, Paul’s prayer for his audience was that the Holy Spirit would strengthen them with power in their inner being so that Jesus would dwell in their hearts through faith, and so that they would be filled up to all the fullness of God. Being filled by the Spirit is a work by which He matures us, grows us in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:18). Paul says it ought to be our desire, our unquenchable thirst, to see that ongoing filling, the work of the Holy Spirit, in our lives. But we may wonder what Paul has in mind in terms of what this constant filling of the Spirit looks like. And Paul gives us the answer with a series of five commands in v19-20.

In v19, Paul says that we exhibit this Spirit-filled life by speaking to one another with Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Paul speaks of this in Colossians 3:16, in the context of allowing the word of Christ to dwell in you richly with gratitude. We gather that worshipping God corporately can/should/often does involve communication with one another for mutual benefit (Colossians 3:16; 1 Corinthians 14; Hebrews 10:24). Meditate on Scripture and its application to any given moment of life (Joshua 1:8; Psalm 1:2; 119:97). Always look to edify one another, especially children, with your speech. But Paul is not finished with this thought. Speak to one another, he says, but also sing and make music in your heart. The Christian who is being matured by the work of the Holy Spirit devotes himself wholeheartedly in song to God. It doesn’t mean you have to like to sing, nor does this command imply that you ought to be good at singing or making music. Rather, don’t let your inabilities or lack of talents stop you. Sing to God!

So we speak to others, and we sing and make music to God. Then in v20, Paul says to always give thanks. The Lord gives and takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. I like Calvin’s comment here: “[Paul] means that [giving thanks] is a pleasure which ought never to lose its relish; that this is an exercise of which we ought never to weary. Innumerable benefits which we receive from God yield fresh cause of joy and thanksgiving. At the same time, he reminds believers that it will argue ungodly and disgraceful sloth, if they shall not always give thanks, – if their whole life shall not be spent in the study and exercise of praising God.” Vincent Cheung adds, “The Holy Spirit fills us with biblical knowledge, and as He does so, we become capable of teaching and admonishing others with theological insight, perhaps even in the form of songs and doxologies, and always with gratitude in our hearts to God.”

Finally, v21, which serves as a transitional verse, adds one final command, that of submission. The Spirit-filled life is about serving, not being served. And the result is mutual edification. It is more blessed to give than to receive. A consequence of being filled with the Spirit is living out the proper role in any given relationship, and our motive for obeying this command is fear of or reverence for Christ. No one humbled himself or served like Him, yet we ought to strive for that lifestyle (Philippians 2:4-11). Remember how Christ served you. Now don’t be ashamed to serve your neighbors; He served you. Remember what you were like, and He served you. Now you serve one another in that way. Calvin concludes: “God has bound us so strongly to each other, that no man ought to endeavor to avoid subjection; and where love reigns, mutual services will be rendered. I do not except even kings and governors, whose very authority is held for the service of the community. It is highly proper that all should be exhorted to be subject to each other in their turn…[and out of reverence for Christ], that we may not refuse the yoke, and can humble our pride, that we may not be ashamed of serving our neighbors.”

To summarize, Ligon Duncan says, “Paul has armed us now with arguments to use with ourselves as we seek to be different from the world: We’re going to remember the Judgment Day to come; we’re going to live in light of what God has made us by His grace, and not what we used to be; we’re going to live wisely because we’ve been made wise by the grace of Christ; and we are going to be matured by the Holy Spirit and live in consistency with the One who indwells us; and He is holy, so we’re going to walk in holiness.”

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” concludes Paul’s comments on the effects of being filled with the Spirit (v19-21) and opens his letter to the topic of submission in the various relationships people encounter in life (v22-6:9). The standard teaching of ethics at the time, as far back as Aristotle, taught male headship, but not for the sake of selfless service and nurturing care. Likewise Christian living is counter-cultural, upholding the value of women, children, and slaves, as well as men. We’ll hit on that, Lord willing, next time.