Help!

The builders of the wall under Nehemiah's guidance gathered to hear the word of the Lord (and have it explained - a great plug for the importance of expository preaching) in Nehemiah 8:1-3, 7-8. Upon hearing the Pentateuch (the first five books of the Bible) read and explained to them over the course of six hours, perhaps for the first time for some, they wept and mourned (verse 9). They realized their sinfulness in light of God's holiness. But then the leaders of the people told them not to mourn, for this was a time of joy (verses 9-10). In fact, Nehemiah says, "Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." I understand that. I get the theology behind these instructions. But like them, I am in great distress (Nehemiah 9:37).

I am saddened by my continuing sin, the patterns of sin that come and go, ebbing and waning their way in and out of my life. Sometimes I am strong in the Lord and in His mighty power; other times I am just as weak and frail in living for the Lord as I was when I first believed. This is painful, and rightly so. The Holy Spirit convicts, and I am convicted. Yet, I also know the grace and mercy and compassion and steadfast love of the Lord, in the light of the cross and in the light of His great faithfulness in keeping His covenant promises to those who believe in Jesus. So I ought to be filled with joy - The joy of the Lord is my strength. I'm having trouble figuring out the application of this truth. How can I mourn and weep over my sinfulness and be joyful at the amazing grace of God at the same time? What does it look like?

It looks like a life of humble repentance and service while at the same time rejoicing in the presence of God, and His many, many blessings. It looks like the tax collector who stood far back, beating his breast while he prayed, "Have mercy on me, a sinner," while at the same time being like the young calf released from the stall to frolic in the field for the first time. But how can I put it into practice in my life? Why do I feel down?

The folks in Nehemiah 10 responded by writing a covenant - they promised to keep themselves from evil. I could do that, but it would be foolish - for I know that I am a sinful man. Even though God has begun a good work in me, and even though He will see it through to completion, I will continue to sin, though perhaps less, throughout the rest of my earthly life. It's a rather depressing thought, but I suppose I must consider this conundrum as a form of suffering, and like Paul in Romans 8:18, conclude that "our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

Hebrews 12:1-4 is an apt conclusion, but I'm open to hear your thoughts on the matter:

"1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. 4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood."